just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
