he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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