Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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