you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
