Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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