i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
