I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
