I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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