just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
