You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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