This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
