guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
