Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
