I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize