i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
