1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just pee around me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
