On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
