i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
