Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
