i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
