she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
