I'm sorry my penis didn't work
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
