i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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