Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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