This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
