i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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