I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
