HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
