I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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