At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
