the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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