I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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