p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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