I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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