Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't turn off my feet"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
