you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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