I want to make a zoo with you.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
