Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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