guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
