Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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