if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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