I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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