Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
