for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize