i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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