The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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