happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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