did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
