i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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