We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
