I wish you could order shots online.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
