Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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