I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
