You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
