Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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