my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
They took my balls.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize