hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
