he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why do cheetos always look like penises
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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