I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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