Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
