I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
