So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
