Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize