ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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