eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
