look no pants
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
